Ba-bum Ba-bum Ba-bum

About two weeks ago I had a hunch. I wasn't even really that late yet. It was one of those little voices that would have been utterly dismissed if I hadn't peed on the stick and that little plus sign hadn't shown up. Eric was shocked when I came home with a pregnancy test. I didn't take it right away. Then one morning I did, and popped out of the bathroom and said, "We're pregnant!" and watched joyful shock spread across his face. Then I slipped into the shower and cried a little bit. Not sad. Hormones maybe. Or maybe the knowledge that everything has changed forever. Or maybe just the appropriate reaction when a realization shakes you from deep inside.

It happened quickly, and although it's surprising it's certainly a blessing. I know, or at least have read the blogs of several women who struggle with infertility. We were trying, but barely, and both expected it would take a while. Maybe it still will. I'm superstitious. I don't want to count any eggs, so to speak.

Today we went to the doctor and tonight we will tell our parents. It isn't just our secret anymore. We'll wait a little longer to tell friends. I'm exhausted all the time and nauseated most of the time, but I don't care, not today. Today we looked at the ultrasound machine and stared in wonder at a dot, next to another dot, and inside that dot was a tiny beating heart. The doctor turned on the sound and we heard its quick little flutter. Like a bird.

I know we're not the first couple in the world to have a baby ever, and I'll try not to prattle on here like we are. But look, it has a heart. And I'm carrying it with me.